Alternative engagement rings: throwing out the rulebook
As a Wimbledon, South West London based jewellery designer for over 20 years, I've seen a fair few engagement rings in my time. From giant glitzy rocks to subtle and delicate bands, I've always thought that an engagement ring says something about the couple it belongs to. Are they flashy and glam? Are they into history? Do they think about practicalities? Do they work with their hands? It’s for this reason that I find it a bit of a shame that many engagement rings I see have started to all look alike. A classic diamond set atop a platinum or white gold band. The only distinguishing feature being the size of the diamond as a representation of the proposer’s pay cheque.
So I’m writing this blog out of a mandate I’ve given myself to show people there is more to life than the same old ring you see all over your socials. You have free will people! Use it!
Are diamonds the only route to an engagement ring?
Why do most engagement rings feature a diamond these days?
When did we decide that diamonds were the only option for engagement rings?
For something considered so timeless, it’s actually interesting to look back in time to see how the engagement ring has changed and adapted according to peoples’ tastes and tastemakers’ priorities. The whole idea behind the ‘get down on one knee’ proposal with a ring as a symbol of eternal love in fact only dates back to the epoch of the silent movie era, where proposals were often depicted in this manner. At this point diamonds weren’t the most popular stones used in engagement rings due to their prohibitive cost and the likes of rubies, emeralds, garnets and amethysts, usually set in gold were far more common.
It wasn’t until after the Second World War, in response to the post-war diamond slump that diamond mining company - De Beers, launched their ingenious marketing campaign, fronted by the slogan “a diamond is forever”, centring diamonds as the cornerstone of a partners’ eternal devotion.
Bolstered by Hollywood, the famous line at the end of Gone with the Wind, when Rhett Butler proposes to Scarlett O’Hara by asking, “What kind of ring would you like, my darling?” and she responds with, “Oh, a diamond ring. And do buy a great, big one, Rhett”, also helped entrenched the diamond-as-engagement-ring idea in viewers’ minds. Similarly echoed by Marilyn Monroe, by the mid-twentieth century, women were confident in their conviction that “diamonds are a girl’s best friend”, and the engagement ring mould began into the cookie cutter ideal it is today.
“Oh, a diamond ring. And do buy a great, big one, Rhett” - Scarlett O’Hara
New generations are opting for alternative engagement rings
However, the tides are certainly, slowly, beginning to turn. New generations are choosing very differently from their parents and grandparents. Even in making the conscious choice of going with a lab grown diamond or going with companies that mine ethical gemstones that can be traced back to specific mines or Single Mine Origin gold. Individuals are definitely making more considered decisions when selecting their engagement rings.
This move towards unique, custom made rings reflects a broader shift in priorities among younger couples. As The Guardian reported, millennials are increasingly "giving the finger to diamond rings," choosing cheaper coloured stones for their self-expression and story, rather than focusing on traditional status symbols. For many, this is driven by the desire for a ring that is "more personal, rather than the ego thing of showing everyone how big your diamond is," as one jeweller noted. The result is a vibrant marketplace where uniqueness and meaning trump the old standards of diamond carat weight.
Remodelling an engagement ring using inherited jewellery is a great way to be sustainable.
I’m seeing a lot of young people, for example, looking to remodel older pieces of jewellery they have inherited from their families and incorporate them into bespoke engagement rings they’ve been involved in redesigning themselves. This not only adds a beautiful layer of personal history but also makes the ring incredibly sustainable—after all, reusing existing diamonds is the most responsible choice we can make today. One of my most recent projects for a client was to use his grandmother and mother’s diamonds in the design of his fiancée’s new ring. The great thing about remodelling old pieces is that it gives people an opportunity to add a personal flair to their own jewellery whilst still being able to give a nod to their families and where they came from.
Starting from scratch? A Guide to gemstones for engagement rings that are not diamonds
If you’re reading this article and I’ve managed to convince you that you’ve been socially conditioned into thinking diamonds are the only option for an engagement ring and now you’re starting to doubt everything you’ve ever liked, let me present to you even more options.
Of course, diamonds are famous for being the hardest stone in existence, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t other hard stones, and it certainly doesn’t mean that diamonds are invincible. I’ve seen many a chipped diamond in my time. If you’re looking for a cheaper option that will still stand the test of time, you'll want to have heard of something called the Mohs Scale, a measurement of hardness scale introduced in 1812 by the German geologist and mineralogist Friedrich Mohs (see picture below). Using this scale, you’ll be able to see that there are other stones out there that allow you to put your own spin on things without compromising on practicality.
A small version of the Mohs scale for hardness.
But let’s start with the Don’ts.
The Don’ts – what gemstones not to use / buy for an engagement ring:
For an engagement ring, I’d probably steer clear of anything rated 7 or below on the Mohs scale, just out of pure practicality. By nature, people wear engagement rings on their hands, every day. Endurance is a must here. So, emeralds, tourmaline, opals and moonstones – all such beautiful stones that make gorgeous earrings and necklaces, are too soft for everyday wear on a hand, and as such, not great stones for engagement rings.
The Dos – a jeweller’s recommendations for alternative engagement gemstones:
Sapphires
A common misconception is that sapphires only come in blue. This is a lie! Sapphires come in a rainbow of colours that are such nice alternatives to the classic diamond. In terms of hardness as well, sapphires are up there with your diamonds and so are a practical alternative if you want something that’s just a little bit different.
Related: Read more about a beautiful black sapphire engagement ring recently made by us.
Rubies
Not to state the obvious here, but is red not the colour of love?? Rubies come in a range of reds from dark wine to pink hues, and the depth of the colours can be truly spectacular. It truly is a mystery to me why rubies are not as common for engagement rings given the symbolism and magnificence of the colours available. Sourced from Mogok, Myanmar’s famed ruby valley, these gems represent a pinnacle of quality in the jewellery world. Fine rubies achieve the highest per-carat prices among all coloured gemstones. This upward trend shows no sign of stopping, with prices continually rising and often shattering previous auction records.
Topaz
Without sounding crude here, topazes are cheap as chips, and equally as gorgeous as other stones! They also come in a range of colours and because they’re less popular, you often don’t have to compromise on the size of the stone.
Spinels
Spinels often have a lovely soft pastel colour to them, like light pink and baby blue that make them appear so dainty and delicate. You can also find spinels that look just like rubies but at a fraction of the price!
Aquamarines
A pale and ethereal beautiful blue colour.The colour spectrum of Aquamarine is beautifully varied, ranging from the palest icy white to deeper flashes of sea-aqua and soft green, which ensures a flattering match for every skin tone. In terms of durability, Aquamarines register a solid 7.5 on the Mohs scale of hardness. While this means they are not quite as robust as a sapphire or diamond, they are still perfectly safe and suitable for comfortable everyday wear.
A pear shaped Aquamarine engagement ring, we made for a lovely couple.
So what’s it going to be? Are you going to buy the exact same platinum band with a massive solitary diamond, just like everyone else? Or are you going to add some colour to your life, and experiment with alternative stones and designs? You, or your partner, are going to wear this ring every day for the rest of their life (fingers crossed, if all goes to plan!) and you have an opportunity here to create something really special that will remind you of your partnership forever. If an engagement ring really is a representation of your eternal love, would you rather it looks like everyone else’s? Or would you rather sprinkle a bit of colour and sparkle into the mix. I don’t know about you but I know what I’d prefer!
We are lucky enough to be near Hatton Garden, London’s jewellery district. Here we can source beautiful and ethical stones to create an engagement ring that is truly personal to you and your partner.
A Wimbledon, London based jewellery designer/maker with 20 years experience.
I am passionate about envisioning and hand creating future heirlooms.
